I love talking to new, first time parents. It makes me smile. They are so full of hope and dreams. both for their child and their family in general. Oh how I remember that optimism. Listening to everyone tell you how your little bundle of joy was so cute, so precious. Thinking to yourself, well, of course, he/she is the most beautiful child ever…DUH!! First time parents are so idealistic, positive about the future and, well, delusional in most cases. Don’t get me wrong, I was one of them. I get it. I guess more clueless than delusional.
We all started out with THE LIST. Things that other people did or didn’t do that we were NEVER, EVER going to repeat. Whether it’s eating only organic, whole foods or cloth versus disposable diapers, we all had clearly defined, before the child is born, lines in the sand. Some of these things were because it was the best choice for our family at the time, for example bottle versus breast feeding. Some choices were because of horror stories we read or had been told about, think natural child birth versus medical intervention. The only real line in the sand my husband and I had was the baby was never, ever sleeping with us. Even as I type this, it makes me smile thinking how adamant we were. It was non-negotiable. And then our daughter was born.
This is an aside for all the moms out there…Motherhood does something to our brains, doesn’t it? And first time moms are a creature onto themselves, right? I remember thinking I had the power to will my child to do anything, after all we had this innate bond from spending the last 10 months together, literally. She would know what I needed and I would know how to meet her needs. HAHAHA!!! See, delusional. My daughter was so easy in the beginning, it just reinforced the belief that I had that we were so in sync. And then it began…
I truly believe that new parents don’t always notice the little things. Subtle changes that, while not important on their own, may be clues to a larger concern. But I also think there are so many things you just don’t know to look for and so many cool, exciting things happening that it truly isn’t anyone’s fault. You just want to revel in all the new and adorable things your bundle of joy is doing. Or your so exhausted you wouldn’t recognize trouble if it ran you over.
This brings me to the topic of sleep. How you sleep once you have a baby in the house. How you get your baby to sleep or you don’t. and probably the most critical of all, what will you resort to to get one or both of them to happen. The most important thing to remember through it all, in my opinion, is that someone will always, always tell you you’re wrong. Once you accept that fact or better yet go into it knowing this, every decision and choice becomes less traumatic.
Now, I’m not going to advocate for any method over another. I believe that each family needs to figure out what works for them, critics be damned. You also need to at least be open to the fact that each child is going to have his or her own way of doing things, regardless of what all the wonderful parenting books tell you…the baby really is in charge to a certain point. From a psychological standpoint, by “training” a baby to be on your schedule, you condition them not to trust their own body/needs. Setting the stage for obesity, anxiety, depression and a myriad of physical ailments as well. Yeah, we can screw them up that early.
As I have said before, my husband and I were adamant about “no baby in our bed”. However, that was before RSV, sensory issues (which weren’t even a viable diagnosis where we lived) and having a child who did not sleep more than 2 hours every three nights. Sleep deprivation really is torture and can lead you to take drastic measures. Never say never…
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